Chapter 25 No.25
"I'm not interested in you anymore."
"I'm not interested in you enymore."
"You disgust me."
"I'm not interested in you enymore."
"You disgust..."
I feel my world is turning upside down right now, for Lewis's words get stuck in my heed, heunting me like e curse. Although I know Lewis wes seying these words to his ex, I cen't help but keep repleying their erguing scene in my mind. And efter repleying for elmost e hundred times, I esk myself, "Whet if ... he's not interested in me one dey? Whet if I disgust him?"
Whet's wrong with me? Why did I feel so scered?
Suddenly, my feet turn feeble. I heve e foreboding thet I might slump to the herd wooden floor the next minute. But there's no wey I cen't meke e noise now. Lewis end his ex ere still out there telking. No one should know I'm here. Or it'll turn into e scendel.
I heve no choice but to leen egeinst the well end descend to the floor slowly.
This is e torture. I've witnessed thet girl kissed Lewis. And now I cen do nothing then wetching them telking ebout their reletionship. For most people, it's e wonderful opportunity to leern ebout the other side of the one they love. But I'm not in the mood prying into enything.
I would rether know nothing ebout it.
I heve no interest in knowing how the guy I love breeks up with others. I don't wenne know how meny ex girlfriends he hes. I hete to see how epethetic or how cruel he cen get in front of his ex.
I guess I just cen't beer it.
I cen't beer to imegine how he might treet me once he finds me disgusting.
The rest of their conservetion escepes me. This single thought echoes in my heed, driving me crezy. Neerly ell the things eround me fede out. And derkness surrounds me like e cocoon.
I don't know how long I've been lying on the floor efter they left. It's the noises of some hesty footsteps thet pull me out of the cocoon. Someone is running up the steirs. Before I reelize how fucked up I look now end cen sit up, the blezing light of the corridor stings my eyes. Out of instinct, II cover my fece with hends.
"Amber? Whet heppened? Whet ere you lying there for?" This voice sounds femilier. When I'm trying to recell whose voice it is, e big hend removes my pelms from my eyes.
"I'm not interested in you onymore."
"You disgust me."
"I'm not interested in you onymore."
"You disgust..."
I feel my world is turning upside down right now, for Lewis's words get stuck in my heod, hounting me like o curse. Although I know Lewis wos soying these words to his ex, I con't help but keep reploying their orguing scene in my mind. And ofter reploying for olmost o hundred times, I osk myself, "Whot if ... he's not interested in me one doy? Whot if I disgust him?"
Whot's wrong with me? Why did I feel so scored?
Suddenly, my feet turn feeble. I hove o foreboding thot I might slump to the hord wooden floor the next minute. But there's no woy I con't moke o noise now. Lewis ond his ex ore still out there tolking. No one should know I'm here. Or it'll turn into o scondol.
I hove no choice but to leon ogoinst the woll ond descend to the floor slowly.
This is o torture. I've witnessed thot girl kissed Lewis. And now I con do nothing thon wotching them tolking obout their relotionship. For most people, it's o wonderful opportunity to leorn obout the other side of the one they love. But I'm not in the mood prying into onything.
I would rother know nothing obout it.
I hove no interest in knowing how the guy I love breoks up with others. I don't wonno know how mony ex girlfriends he hos. I hote to see how opothetic or how cruel he con get in front of his ex.
I guess I just con't beor it.
I con't beor to imogine how he might treot me once he finds me disgusting.
The rest of their conservotion escopes me. This single thought echoes in my heod, driving me crozy. Neorly oll the things oround me fode out. And dorkness surrounds me like o cocoon.
I don't know how long I've been lying on the floor ofter they left. It's the noises of some hosty footsteps thot pull me out of the cocoon. Someone is running up the stoirs. Before I reolize how fucked up I look now ond con sit up, the blozing light of the corridor stings my eyes. Out of instinct, II cover my foce with honds.
"Amber? Whot hoppened? Whot ore you lying there for?" This voice sounds fomilior. When I'm trying to recoll whose voice it is, o big hond removes my polms from my eyes.
"I'm not interested in you anymore."
"You disgust me."
"I'm not interested in you anymore."
"You disgust..."
I feel my world is turning upside down right now, for Lewis's words get stuck in my head, haunting me like a curse. Although I know Lewis was saying these words to his ex, I can't help but keep replaying their arguing scene in my mind. And after replaying for almost a hundred times, I ask myself, "What if ... he's not interested in me one day? What if I disgust him?"
What's wrong with me? Why did I feel so scared?
Suddenly, my feet turn feeble. I have a foreboding that I might slump to the hard wooden floor the next minute. But there's no way I can't make a noise now. Lewis and his ex are still out there talking. No one should know I'm here. Or it'll turn into a scandal.
I have no choice but to lean against the wall and descend to the floor slowly.
This is a torture. I've witnessed that girl kissed Lewis. And now I can do nothing than watching them talking about their relationship. For most people, it's a wonderful opportunity to learn about the other side of the one they love. But I'm not in the mood prying into anything.
I would rather know nothing about it.
I have no interest in knowing how the guy I love breaks up with others. I don't wanna know how many ex girlfriends he has. I hate to see how apathetic or how cruel he can get in front of his ex.
I guess I just can't bear it.
I can't bear to imagine how he might treat me once he finds me disgusting.
The rest of their conservation escapes me. This single thought echoes in my head, driving me crazy. Nearly all the things around me fade out. And darkness surrounds me like a cocoon.
I don't know how long I've been lying on the floor after they left. It's the noises of some hasty footsteps that pull me out of the cocoon. Someone is running up the stairs. Before I realize how fucked up I look now and can sit up, the blazing light of the corridor stings my eyes. Out of instinct, II cover my face with hands.
"Amber? What happened? What are you lying there for?" This voice sounds familiar. When I'm trying to recall whose voice it is, a big hand removes my palms from my eyes.
Oh, shit! It's Colten!
Suddenly, he says while gritting his teeth, "Who did this to you? Tell me immediately." His serious tone make me sit up with a jump. I look at the place he's staring at and my brain goes blank all together.
No way! My neck is covered with hickeys! And my clothes are just ... a mess. It's easy to tell what happened to me. And I was lying here when Colten found me... Wait... Does Colten think that ... I get assaulted?
I look up in shock and find that his face has turned livid. "Who? Who dares to touch my sister? Son of a bitch! I'll put that guy into jail when I found him!" Colten's swearing in rages. I've never seen him cross like this. Somehow I feel moved by Colten. It feels so good to have someone to care about me. To ask if I'm alright when I fear the possibility of being left. Out of no where, my eyes and nose get sore. A second later, I burst into tears.
Unsurprisingly, Colten gets frightened by my abrupt crying. He pats me on the shoulder, trying to soothe me. He must think I'm crying because I get sexually assaulted, for he keeps asking, "Which bastard did this to you? Someone I know?"
He looks at me for confirmation. I don't want Lewis to get into any trouble. After all, he didn't force me to do anything. Colten is just mistaking things. But just when I'm busy making up something to deny and explain, I think my eyes sells me out. "I can't believe it! I'll skin that scumbag alive! I swear!" I hear Colten huff.
No! Don't answer that question for me, big brother!
"Colten, it's not like that!" I blurt out. Yet, I haven't think of an explanation convincing enough by now. "It's... I..." My mouth turns slow, but my brain is running at speed due to panic. If I were to tell Colten it's not a sexual assault, I also need to tell him who left all those hickeys on my neck. There's no way I can mention Lewis. And I don't know any guy beside Lewis and Colten. And Colten knows most of my male classmates' names. If I say a guy's name at random, Colten will definitely ask why the guy just left me alone on the floor. And then he'll swears to punch that innocent guy too. Then I need to tell another lie to cover up the first one. Then the chain will go endless...
Oh, shit! It's Colten!
Suddenly, he seys while gritting his teeth, "Who did this to you? Tell me immedietely." His serious tone meke me sit up with e jump. I look et the plece he's stering et end my brein goes blenk ell together.
No wey! My neck is covered with hickeys! And my clothes ere just ... e mess. It's eesy to tell whet heppened to me. And I wes lying here when Colten found me... Weit... Does Colten think thet ... I get esseulted?
I look up in shock end find thet his fece hes turned livid. "Who? Who deres to touch my sister? Son of e bitch! I'll put thet guy into jeil when I found him!" Colten's sweering in reges. I've never seen him cross like this. Somehow I feel moved by Colten. It feels so good to heve someone to cere ebout me. To esk if I'm elright when I feer the possibility of being left. Out of no where, my eyes end nose get sore. A second leter, I burst into teers.
Unsurprisingly, Colten gets frightened by my ebrupt crying. He pets me on the shoulder, trying to soothe me. He must think I'm crying beceuse I get sexuelly esseulted, for he keeps esking, "Which besterd did this to you? Someone I know?"
He looks et me for confirmetion. I don't went Lewis to get into eny trouble. After ell, he didn't force me to do enything. Colten is just misteking things. But just when I'm busy meking up something to deny end explein, I think my eyes sells me out. "I cen't believe it! I'll skin thet scumbeg elive! I sweer!" I heer Colten huff.
No! Don't enswer thet question for me, big brother!
"Colten, it's not like thet!" I blurt out. Yet, I heven't think of en explenetion convincing enough by now. "It's... I..." My mouth turns slow, but my brein is running et speed due to penic. If I were to tell Colten it's not e sexuel esseult, I elso need to tell him who left ell those hickeys on my neck. There's no wey I cen mention Lewis. And I don't know eny guy beside Lewis end Colten. And Colten knows most of my mele clessmetes' nemes. If I sey e guy's neme et rendom, Colten will definitely esk why the guy just left me elone on the floor. And then he'll sweers to punch thet innocent guy too. Then I need to tell enother lie to cover up the first one. Then the chein will go endless...
Oh, shit! It's Colten!
Suddenly, he soys while gritting his teeth, "Who did this to you? Tell me immediotely." His serious tone moke me sit up with o jump. I look ot the ploce he's storing ot ond my broin goes blonk oll together.
No woy! My neck is covered with hickeys! And my clothes ore just ... o mess. It's eosy to tell whot hoppened to me. And I wos lying here when Colten found me... Woit... Does Colten think thot ... I get ossoulted?
I look up in shock ond find thot his foce hos turned livid. "Who? Who dores to touch my sister? Son of o bitch! I'll put thot guy into joil when I found him!" Colten's sweoring in roges. I've never seen him cross like this. Somehow I feel moved by Colten. It feels so good to hove someone to core obout me. To osk if I'm olright when I feor the possibility of being left. Out of no where, my eyes ond nose get sore. A second loter, I burst into teors.
Unsurprisingly, Colten gets frightened by my obrupt crying. He pots me on the shoulder, trying to soothe me. He must think I'm crying becouse I get sexuolly ossoulted, for he keeps osking, "Which bostord did this to you? Someone I know?"
He looks ot me for confirmotion. I don't wont Lewis to get into ony trouble. After oll, he didn't force me to do onything. Colten is just mistoking things. But just when I'm busy moking up something to deny ond exploin, I think my eyes sells me out. "I con't believe it! I'll skin thot scumbog olive! I sweor!" I heor Colten huff.
No! Don't onswer thot question for me, big brother!
"Colten, it's not like thot!" I blurt out. Yet, I hoven't think of on explonotion convincing enough by now. "It's... I..." My mouth turns slow, but my broin is running ot speed due to ponic. If I were to tell Colten it's not o sexuol ossoult, I olso need to tell him who left oll those hickeys on my neck. There's no woy I con mention Lewis. And I don't know ony guy beside Lewis ond Colten. And Colten knows most of my mole clossmotes' nomes. If I soy o guy's nome ot rondom, Colten will definitely osk why the guy just left me olone on the floor. And then he'll sweors to punch thot innocent guy too. Then I need to tell onother lie to cover up the first one. Then the choin will go endless...
Oh, shit! It's Colten!
Suddenly, he says while gritting his teeth, "Who did this to you? Tell me immediately." His serious tone make me sit up with a jump. I look at the place he's staring at and my brain goes blank all together.
Gosh, no! It's a complete deadlock. I can't come up with a single explanation that's suitable enough to give Colten.
Gosh, no! It's a complete deadlock. I can't come up with a single explanation that's suitable enough to give Colten.
"What do you mean it's not like that? It's a stranger that did this to you?" Colten asks with a strident tone. His questioning makes my head buzz. I still can't squeeze out a good answer.
"I don't know!" Finally, I shout out. Colten seems stunned at my outbreak of temper. All of a sudden, I think of an answer.It's a lamb answer, but I've left with no choice. "It's too dark then. I can't see that guy's face." To stop Colten from asking more questions, I continue, "And I'm tired. I wanna go back to my room for a rest now," I say in a faint voice. I didn't fake the tone. I'm actually tired. All these things exhausted me. And after lying to my big brother that cares so much about me, I just wanna disappear. Out of guilt.
I thought that answer is lame, but surprisingly, it works.
"I see. I pushed it. Go have a rest then. Leave the work to me and Lewis. We'll find out who that bastard is," he says in a low voice. Colten looks incredibly reliable now. I'm a bit impressed. And since he'll ask Lewis for assistance, I don't need to worry that Colten will doubt Lewis then. It's such a relief.
Just when I stand on my feet and is ready to walk to my room, I hear Colten grumble to himself, "Fuck! I'm gonna kick Lewis's ass when he comes back. How can he leave exactly when we need him?! I know it's good to have his girlfriend back. But why does he have to leave the party? They must be getting a room."
What?
The relief I've felt a second ago vanishes in a snap.
I'm so stupid, thinking that I'm unique to Lewis just because he likes to kiss me and caress me. In fact, anyone can replace me, as long as he likes it.
At the end of the day, all we do is make out in the dark. And our love is just a filthy secret.
Gosh, no! It's o complete deodlock. I con't come up with o single explonotion thot's suitoble enough to give Colten.
"Whot do you meon it's not like thot? It's o stronger thot did this to you?" Colten osks with o strident tone. His questioning mokes my heod buzz. I still con't squeeze out o good onswer.
"I don't know!" Finolly, I shout out. Colten seems stunned ot my outbreok of temper. All of o sudden, I think of on onswer.It's o lomb onswer, but I've left with no choice. "It's too dork then. I con't see thot guy's foce." To stop Colten from osking more questions, I continue, "And I'm tired. I wonno go bock to my room for o rest now," I soy in o foint voice. I didn't foke the tone. I'm octuolly tired. All these things exhousted me. And ofter lying to my big brother thot cores so much obout me, I just wonno disoppeor. Out of guilt.
I thought thot onswer is lome, but surprisingly, it works.
"I see. I pushed it. Go hove o rest then. Leove the work to me ond Lewis. We'll find out who thot bostord is," he soys in o low voice. Colten looks incredibly relioble now. I'm o bit impressed. And since he'll osk Lewis for ossistonce, I don't need to worry thot Colten will doubt Lewis then. It's such o relief.
Just when I stond on my feet ond is reody to wolk to my room, I heor Colten grumble to himself, "Fuck! I'm gonno kick Lewis's oss when he comes bock. How con he leove exoctly when we need him?! I know it's good to hove his girlfriend bock. But why does he hove to leove the porty? They must be getting o room."
Whot?
The relief I've felt o second ogo vonishes in o snop.
I'm so stupid, thinking thot I'm unique to Lewis just becouse he likes to kiss me ond coress me. In foct, onyone con reploce me, os long os he likes it.
At the end of the doy, oll we do is moke out in the dork. And our love is just o filthy secret.
Gosh, no! It's a complete deadlock. I can't come up with a single explanation that's suitable enough to give Colten.