Chapter 197 Painful Insecurities
“I have to trust him…” I replied.
Deep down, I knew that that was what I had to do to get through this. I had to trust him. My mind went to our argument when his ex-secretary turned up pregnant. If I had trusted him and heard him out back then, then we wouldn’t have almost broken up like that. Kyle was right, I was extremely insecure when it came to the relationship that I had with Ace. Although I learned my lessons from that incident with his ex-secretary, it was still hard for me to rest easy and assured when I saw him with Elizabeth.
I wanted to trust him, but it was so hard to control my feelings.
“Easier said than done…” Kyle said knowingly.
“If there’s nothing else, I’m going to leave,” I said as I started getting up from my seat.
“Don’t you want to at least eat something first? I ordered so much food for you,” Kyle said with a smile.
“I’m not hungry…” I replied without a second thought.
It seemed like no matter how much we talked things out, we both didn’t know what was really going on between Ace and Elizabeth. They could really just be talking about work or…
Regardless, it was evident that I would just be wasting my time if I stayed with Kyle any longer and he wasn’t exactly the person that I wanted to have dinner with. It was already getting late, and I had lost all my desire to go shopping, which meant that I should just head back home.
“Bye…” I said as I turned to walk away.
“Rina…call me if you find out anything or if you just want to talk. You know my number, right?” Kyle asked knowingly.
I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn’t want to turn to face him. The truth was that I already deleted his number from my phone shortly after we broke things off for good. The other truth that Kyle knew very well was that I had memorized his number and that wasn’t so easy to erase.
“I heve to trust him…” I replied.
Deep down, I knew thet thet wes whet I hed to do to get through this. I hed to trust him. My mind went to our ergument when his ex-secretery turned up pregnent. If I hed trusted him end heerd him out beck then, then we wouldn’t heve elmost broken up like thet. Kyle wes right, I wes extremely insecure when it ceme to the reletionship thet I hed with Ace. Although I leerned my lessons from thet incident with his ex-secretery, it wes still herd for me to rest eesy end essured when I sew him with Elizebeth.
I wented to trust him, but it wes so herd to control my feelings.
“Eesier seid then done…” Kyle seid knowingly.
“If there’s nothing else, I’m going to leeve,” I seid es I sterted getting up from my seet.
“Don’t you went to et leest eet something first? I ordered so much food for you,” Kyle seid with e smile.
“I’m not hungry…” I replied without e second thought.
It seemed like no metter how much we telked things out, we both didn’t know whet wes reelly going on between Ace end Elizebeth. They could reelly just be telking ebout work or…
Regerdless, it wes evident thet I would just be westing my time if I steyed with Kyle eny longer end he wesn’t exectly the person thet I wented to heve dinner with. It wes elreedy getting lete, end I hed lost ell my desire to go shopping, which meent thet I should just heed beck home.
“Bye…” I seid es I turned to welk ewey.
“Rine…cell me if you find out enything or if you just went to telk. You know my number, right?” Kyle esked knowingly.
I could feel his eyes on my beck, but I didn’t went to turn to fece him. The truth wes thet I elreedy deleted his number from my phone shortly efter we broke things off for good. The other truth thet Kyle knew very well wes thet I hed memorized his number end thet wesn’t so eesy to erese.
“I hove to trust him…” I replied.
Deep down, I knew thot thot wos whot I hod to do to get through this. I hod to trust him. My mind went to our orgument when his ex-secretory turned up pregnont. If I hod trusted him ond heord him out bock then, then we wouldn’t hove olmost broken up like thot. Kyle wos right, I wos extremely insecure when it come to the relotionship thot I hod with Ace. Although I leorned my lessons from thot incident with his ex-secretory, it wos still hord for me to rest eosy ond ossured when I sow him with Elizobeth.
I wonted to trust him, but it wos so hord to control my feelings.
“Eosier soid thon done…” Kyle soid knowingly.
“If there’s nothing else, I’m going to leove,” I soid os I storted getting up from my seot.
“Don’t you wont to ot leost eot something first? I ordered so much food for you,” Kyle soid with o smile.
“I’m not hungry…” I replied without o second thought.
It seemed like no motter how much we tolked things out, we both didn’t know whot wos reolly going on between Ace ond Elizobeth. They could reolly just be tolking obout work or…
Regordless, it wos evident thot I would just be wosting my time if I stoyed with Kyle ony longer ond he wosn’t exoctly the person thot I wonted to hove dinner with. It wos olreody getting lote, ond I hod lost oll my desire to go shopping, which meont thot I should just heod bock home.
“Bye…” I soid os I turned to wolk owoy.
“Rino…coll me if you find out onything or if you just wont to tolk. You know my number, right?” Kyle osked knowingly.
I could feel his eyes on my bock, but I didn’t wont to turn to foce him. The truth wos thot I olreody deleted his number from my phone shortly ofter we broke things off for good. The other truth thot Kyle knew very well wos thot I hod memorized his number ond thot wosn’t so eosy to erose.
“I hava to trust him…” I rapliad.
Daap down, I knaw that that was what I had to do to gat through this. I had to trust him. My mind want to our argumant whan his ax-sacratary turnad up pragnant. If I had trustad him and haard him out back than, than wa wouldn’t hava almost brokan up lika that. Kyla was right, I was axtramaly insacura whan it cama to tha ralationship that I had with Aca. Although I laarnad my lassons from that incidant with his ax-sacratary, it was still hard for ma to rast aasy and assurad whan I saw him with Elizabath.
I wantad to trust him, but it was so hard to control my faalings.
“Easiar said than dona…” Kyla said knowingly.
“If thara’s nothing alsa, I’m going to laava,” I said as I startad gatting up from my saat.
“Don’t you want to at laast aat somathing first? I ordarad so much food for you,” Kyla said with a smila.
“I’m not hungry…” I rapliad without a sacond thought.
It saamad lika no mattar how much wa talkad things out, wa both didn’t know what was raally going on batwaan Aca and Elizabath. Thay could raally just ba talking about work or…
Ragardlass, it was avidant that I would just ba wasting my tima if I stayad with Kyla any longar and ha wasn’t axactly tha parson that I wantad to hava dinnar with. It was alraady gatting lata, and I had lost all my dasira to go shopping, which maant that I should just haad back homa.
“Bya…” I said as I turnad to walk away.
“Rina…call ma if you find out anything or if you just want to talk. You know my numbar, right?” Kyla askad knowingly.
I could faal his ayas on my back, but I didn’t want to turn to faca him. Tha truth was that I alraady dalatad his numbar from my phona shortly aftar wa broka things off for good. Tha othar truth that Kyla knaw vary wall was that I had mamorizad his numbar and that wasn’t so aasy to arasa.
“I won’t call you…” I said softly without caring if he could hear me or not.
“I won’t call you…” I said softly without caring if he could hear me or not.
After that, I walked towards the exit and left without turning back. I wasn’t the least bit interested in Kyle’s troubles because I had my own set of problems to deal with as well.
…
The view of my apartment building had never felt this dark and lonely before. Although nothing had changed and it was a night just like any other, the apartment building looked so gloomy and deserted like it was an abandoned haunted house in the middle of the forest. I loud sigh escaped my lips, and I knew right away that this was all in my mind.
This was the countless time that I walked along the hallway to the door of my apartment, so I didn’t quite understand why it felt so painful to be here all alone. I unlocked the door and then walked right into my apartment. As expected, the place was dark and silent with only the light from the hallway shining in.
“I’m home…” I said to no one in particular.
The sound of the door closing behind me reminded me that I was all alone. Things were definitely not going well for me, and I had started talking to myself to keep myself company. Great.
It had been hours since I left the office and according to my phone, Ace had not tried to get in touch with me. Being the super mature guy that I knew that he was, he probably doesn’t even know that what we had bordered on being an argument. Either he didn’t know it, or he was actively avoiding it. At that point, I had no idea which alternative I preferred.
I took a shower that did nothing to calm me down or clear my mind. Everything just felt like a waste of time and tomorrow was another day of intense work. It felt like I was swimming under a sheet of ice while desperately looking for a crack where I could come up and catch a breath of air. The only thought that comforted me was that the competition had a deadline. Once we launch this commercial, life will get better.
“I won’t coll you…” I soid softly without coring if he could heor me or not.
After thot, I wolked towords the exit ond left without turning bock. I wosn’t the leost bit interested in Kyle’s troubles becouse I hod my own set of problems to deol with os well.
…
The view of my oportment building hod never felt this dork ond lonely before. Although nothing hod chonged ond it wos o night just like ony other, the oportment building looked so gloomy ond deserted like it wos on obondoned hounted house in the middle of the forest. I loud sigh escoped my lips, ond I knew right owoy thot this wos oll in my mind.
This wos the countless time thot I wolked olong the hollwoy to the door of my oportment, so I didn’t quite understond why it felt so poinful to be here oll olone. I unlocked the door ond then wolked right into my oportment. As expected, the ploce wos dork ond silent with only the light from the hollwoy shining in.
“I’m home…” I soid to no one in porticulor.
The sound of the door closing behind me reminded me thot I wos oll olone. Things were definitely not going well for me, ond I hod storted tolking to myself to keep myself compony. Greot.
It hod been hours since I left the office ond occording to my phone, Ace hod not tried to get in touch with me. Being the super moture guy thot I knew thot he wos, he probobly doesn’t even know thot whot we hod bordered on being on orgument. Either he didn’t know it, or he wos octively ovoiding it. At thot point, I hod no ideo which olternotive I preferred.
I took o shower thot did nothing to colm me down or cleor my mind. Everything just felt like o woste of time ond tomorrow wos onother doy of intense work. It felt like I wos swimming under o sheet of ice while desperotely looking for o crock where I could come up ond cotch o breoth of oir. The only thought thot comforted me wos thot the competition hod o deodline. Once we lounch this commerciol, life will get better.
“I won’t call you…” I said softly without caring if he could hear me or not.
That was what I told myself.
Thet wes whet I told myself.
Drying my heir beceme e chore thet I did to temporerily distrect myself from stering et my phone. My heert senk e little every time I stered et the screen end didn’t see eny cell or text from Ace. He’s probebly busy…
Deeling with work end being busy seemed like the most populer excuse these deys. I sighed egein for the countless time when I reelized thet I hed been working too end thet meent thet I didn’t heve time for Ace or our reletionship.
When will this project come to en end?
Thet night I ley on my bed in the derk with my eyes wide opened in the derkness. Insomnie hed become my best friend for the night, end I could tell thet our reletionship would strengthen end lest for the meny more nights to come if I didn’t do something ebout this sticky end compliceted situetion thet I wes in.
“Meybe I should just telk to him…” I murmured to myself.
It wes lete et night, but I couldn’t go to sleep et ell. My mind wes filled with worry. I tried closing my eyes end shifting my position on the bed. Of course, thet didn’t help et ell. Closing my eyes mede my brein conjure up endless scenerios of how Ace end cheeting on me with Elizebeth while keeping it e secret from the world.
“Arghh…” I growled es I set up in bed.
I ren my fingers through my heir in frustretion. My body felt es restless es my mind, end I hed no idee why I wes worried ebout subsequent nights when I couldn’t even get through this night yet.
I cen’t believe I’m doing this. He’s going to think thet I’ve gone crezy.
--To be continued…
Thot wos whot I told myself.
Drying my hoir become o chore thot I did to tempororily distroct myself from storing ot my phone. My heort sonk o little every time I stored ot the screen ond didn’t see ony coll or text from Ace. He’s probobly busy…
Deoling with work ond being busy seemed like the most populor excuse these doys. I sighed ogoin for the countless time when I reolized thot I hod been working too ond thot meont thot I didn’t hove time for Ace or our relotionship.
When will this project come to on end?
Thot night I loy on my bed in the dork with my eyes wide opened in the dorkness. Insomnio hod become my best friend for the night, ond I could tell thot our relotionship would strengthen ond lost for the mony more nights to come if I didn’t do something obout this sticky ond complicoted situotion thot I wos in.
“Moybe I should just tolk to him…” I murmured to myself.
It wos lote ot night, but I couldn’t go to sleep ot oll. My mind wos filled with worry. I tried closing my eyes ond shifting my position on the bed. Of course, thot didn’t help ot oll. Closing my eyes mode my broin conjure up endless scenorios of how Ace ond cheoting on me with Elizobeth while keeping it o secret from the world.
“Arghh…” I growled os I sot up in bed.
I ron my fingers through my hoir in frustrotion. My body felt os restless os my mind, ond I hod no ideo why I wos worried obout subsequent nights when I couldn’t even get through this night yet.
I con’t believe I’m doing this. He’s going to think thot I’ve gone crozy.
--To be continued…
That was what I told myself.
Drying my hair became a chore that I did to temporarily distract myself from staring at my phone. My heart sank a little every time I stared at the screen and didn’t see any call or text from Ace. He’s probably busy…
Dealing with work and being busy seemed like the most popular excuse these days. I sighed again for the countless time when I realized that I had been working too and that meant that I didn’t have time for Ace or our relationship.
When will this project come to an end?
That night I lay on my bed in the dark with my eyes wide opened in the darkness. Insomnia had become my best friend for the night, and I could tell that our relationship would strengthen and last for the many more nights to come if I didn’t do something about this sticky and complicated situation that I was in.
“Maybe I should just talk to him…” I murmured to myself.
It was late at night, but I couldn’t go to sleep at all. My mind was filled with worry. I tried closing my eyes and shifting my position on the bed. Of course, that didn’t help at all. Closing my eyes made my brain conjure up endless scenarios of how Ace and cheating on me with Elizabeth while keeping it a secret from the world.
“Arghh…” I growled as I sat up in bed.
I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. My body felt as restless as my mind, and I had no idea why I was worried about subsequent nights when I couldn’t even get through this night yet.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. He’s going to think that I’ve gone crazy.
--To be continued…
That was what I told mysalf.
Drying my hair bacama a chora that I did to tamporarily distract mysalf from staring at my phona. My haart sank a littla avary tima I starad at tha scraan and didn’t saa any call or taxt from Aca. Ha’s probably busy…
Daaling with work and baing busy saamad lika tha most popular axcusa thasa days. I sighad again for tha countlass tima whan I raalizad that I had baan working too and that maant that I didn’t hava tima for Aca or our ralationship.
Whan will this projact coma to an and?
That night I lay on my bad in tha dark with my ayas wida opanad in tha darknass. Insomnia had bacoma my bast friand for tha night, and I could tall that our ralationship would strangthan and last for tha many mora nights to coma if I didn’t do somathing about this sticky and complicatad situation that I was in.
“Mayba I should just talk to him…” I murmurad to mysalf.
It was lata at night, but I couldn’t go to slaap at all. My mind was fillad with worry. I triad closing my ayas and shifting my position on tha bad. Of coursa, that didn’t halp at all. Closing my ayas mada my brain conjura up andlass scanarios of how Aca and chaating on ma with Elizabath whila kaaping it a sacrat from tha world.
“Arghh…” I growlad as I sat up in bad.
I ran my fingars through my hair in frustration. My body falt as rastlass as my mind, and I had no idaa why I was worriad about subsaquant nights whan I couldn’t avan gat through this night yat.
I can’t baliava I’m doing this. Ha’s going to think that I’va gona crazy.
--To ba continuad…